After the censor board slashed 50% of the kissing scenes and some swearwords in the latest franchise of Bond, ‘Spectre,’ Twitteratis went ballistic and started trolling ‘#SanskariJamesBond.’ Keeping the spirit intact, Nimish Dubey has come up with a hilarious list of seven gadgets that a ‘sanskari’ James Bond should possess. The thread that binds: Mistake this not for the run of the mill sacred thread (yagyopaveet) that adorns the proud Hindu upper caste chest. It might just be reduced to looking hot on the bosom of our James but once off it, its interwoven steel threads make it perfect to be used for climbing, for tying up hapless enemies (branding them with sacred symbols in the process) or if it comes to the squeeze, as a garrotte – those strangled by it head straight to heaven (even sinners deserve a chance) – might sound like a routine ring tone when played at a normal volume but all Sanskari Bond has to do is tap the volume button on his phone (like all Sanskari apps, it is platform independant) twice, and the ringtone gets into uber Bhajan mode, shattering the eardrums of all those in immediate vicinity (Bond himself is safe because his ears have been trained at the Sanskari School of Sound to bear sounds of very high pitches – he focuses on the divine words being uttered and not on their volume!)
He might seem a little insensitive at times but our Sanskari James is definitely not incense-itive. Not when he carries with him special incense sticks. These are not your run of the mill agarbattis, but can emit tear gas when lit at the “wrong” end, explode when thrown at the enemy, and might seem to work as perfectly normal incense sticks when lit right but actually send out smoke signals that activate the secret Kabootar squad (pigeon army) telling them of Bond’s exact location.